Stress!

An update on my 'Stress Life'

Stress is something that no matter who we are we will always encounter at some point or another in life. For some people stress can be a constant in their life and for others it can be very rare. For me stress is a constant thing, that no matter how hard I try to not be stressed, I always am. I find myself constantly taking breaks from work and everything because I am stressed, and then I find myself even more stressed because I have so much to do and if I take breaks I am not getting anything done. It's like a constant battle with myself in which I can only loose. This obviously isn't healthy and it may be down to the fact that I work myself too hard, and I push myself further than I can go.

Most people take 4 AS levels in year 12, like me. However, most people can cope with 4 AS levels, I on the other hand cannot. For AS levels I have taken Theatre Studies, English Literature, Religious Studies and Photography. At the beginning of the year I loved all of my AS levels but since then I have been achieving really low grades when I know I'm capable of more. The reason I am failing is because all of my subjects excluding Religious Studies are all very time consuming subjects, Photography more then the others. I find myself not having a moment to think anymore and all I seem to be doing is work work work. I spend most my time stressing over Photography and working probably 10000000x harder than anyone else in College, all for a subject which at the end of the day isn't worth it. Yes I can get UCAS points from it but the way I see it is that if I didn't do Photography I would make up for those lost UCAS points by achieving more in my other subjects which I actually need in the future. I have realised that my main cause of stress in my life is being caused by something that I don't actually need and wont gain anything from in the future. I feel as though if I were to drop Photography as an AS level now then I would have 5 extra hours to revise for my other subjects, which would take me up about 2 grades and would be valued more in the future, rather than staying with something that causes me so much stress and will result in me achieving C's, D's and E's in my subjects when I know I am capable of achieving A's and B's.

I also find that when I am stressed about things even the smallest of things can upset me and cause me even more stress. Things like small unimportant disagreements within friendship groups, not being able to sleep and being constantly tired. I find it so hard to concentrate and fully focus on things when I'm stressed about something or other because the stress occupies my mind.

Apologies for my little rant about stress, maybe some of you can relate to me?

Love Joanna

xxx

Fear.

Fear. What is fear? Fear is the anxiety that builds up inside you. Everyone suffers from fear, some more severely than others, but there is no escaping fear. 

Over the years my fears have built up and become worse and worse. I have an extreme fear of fire - to the point I still have nightmares about fire. Although the thing I am most fearful of is fire, it doesn't effect me as badly as other things I fear as fire is something I'm less likely to encounter. 

I do however have a fear of being on my own and being vulnerable, I'm a 17 year old girl who is very small and weak and would be useless in defending herself. I become 1000000x more aware of everything when I'm on my own, and I begin to become really panicky to the point its hard for me to breathe. If a van drives past me I panic even more (I blame that fear on Chitty Chitty bang bang's child catcher). 

Although fear has a tight hold of my life, when I am panicked and alone and scared I focus my mind on a psalm and I say it to myself over and over again, I pray that psalm and I feel God's peace being laid upon me. The psalm says "the LORD is my light and my salvation, of whom shall I fear, the LORD is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid. When evil men advance against me they will stumble and fall" 

I hope this verse can help and encourage those of you who suffer with fear.